GLEE Petition

Go and sign the GLEE Petition.  I posted about how it made me as a birth mother and adoptive mother feel HERE.  I wish I would have come up with this but I didn't so I'm going to spread the word as much as I can.  There is a HUGE difference between adoption fact and adoption fiction.  People need to get everything sorted out before they started splashing it all over TV.  So if you've been affected by adoption go sign so that people can stop hearing/seeing the lies of what adoption is.  If you've never been affected by adoption go sign so that YOU can stop hearing/seeing the lies of what adoption is.

missing them...

This is something I've never blogged about and never really thought it was common to feel.  But when I read this blog post HERE I realized that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

When I first met Lori and Barton the connection was immediate.  We quickly became friends.  I was pregnant during the holidays and even spent time with their extended families at temple square (you can read that post HERE).  I would frequently text Lori during the week telling her how I was doing and asking what they were doing.  I spent time with their oldest boys and connected with their family.  I didn't really expect much to change after placement and was a bit shocked when it did.

After placement I felt an ache that was different than the one that I felt for Ally.  I felt an ache for 2 people who had become my rock through everything.  2 people who had been by my side through all of the trials through my unplanned pregnancy.  I met Lori and Barton almost 5 years ago this November (wow I can't believe it's been that long).  Lori wouldn't randomly text me throughout the day to ask how I was doing.  I missed that more than I thought I would.  I thought of them as my best friends through my pregnancy and it was like the dropped off the face of the planet after placement.  I don't blame them at all.  They had a new baby to bond with, and 2 boys that needed their attention too.  I just think that NOONE prepared me for that.  I had been told that things may be different but I don't think ANYONE expected me to miss them so deeply.  I cried many days because I felt alone in a way I hadn't ever through my pregnancy.

Lori and Barton didn't understand my feelings and they had their own feelings.  When I wanted to talk to them about things I couldn't because I felt like if I expressed my pain over the situation they would feel like I had regret over my decision.  And maybe if they thought I felt regret they would cut contact and close the adoption.  That was the last thing that I wanted.  I felt like I couldn't be open with them about my feelings and I wish more than anything someone had told me to talk about my feelings.  Let them know that I missed them.  Tell them that they mean the world to you and you still need their support.

As an adoptive mother I will do anything for Cayden's birth mother.  If she ever needed my support I would be there for her.  I believe that Lori and Barton feel the same for me.  I feel like they would be willing to help me if need be.  So my advice, my words of wisdom would be... talk with the couple.  If you know them well enough to miss them, express that to them.  Let them know it's not regret of the decision you made but that it's a longing for their friendship that you miss.

Lori and Barton seeing Ally for the first time.

From an outsider

I had this great idea the other day... Ask an outsider what my placement was like.  The only outsider there was my wonderful photography friend Lindsay (owner of  Lindsay Jane Studios).  

Todd, Luke, Josh, Lindsay

I met Lindsay in the ward I was going to.  We were team teachers for the sunbeams (4-5 year olds), and visiting teaching companions.  She lived across the street from my parents.  We became friends.  When I was pregnant she was kind enough to take these maternity pictures for me. These were taken on valentines day.  It sure made my day better.  

In preparing for my hospital stay I asked Lindsay if she would be willing to be in the delivery room and in the room for placement.  I knew I wouldn't really remember everything like I wanted to so I thought having pictures of it would help. ALL of the pictures of placement were taken by her.  I am forever and eternally grateful for the gift she gave me.  So without further ado here is the Q&A session between me and her about placement.  If there are any other questions you would like me to ask her feel free to leave them in the comments....

Q: After you heard I was planning on placing Ally for adoption what was your initial reaction?

A: I was happy because I knew how devastated you were when you first found out you were pregnant. You were so young and I know how important it is to be raised in a family with both a mother and a father. I was glad to know that you felt good about your decision. It was also very scary because I think that would absolutely be the hardest thing in the world to do.

Q: What was it like to photograph Ally's birth with Lori and Barton there?

A: I was honored to be asked to take the pictures of Ally's birth and placement. Lori and Barton are wonderful people and I could tell that you already had a good relationship with them. It didn't bother me at all, and made for great photos of Lori and Barton seeing Ally for the first time.

Q: What were your thoughts on Lori and Barton being in the delivery room?

A: I thought it was completely normal since you already had a relationship with them. I thought that it was a beautiful gift you gave them by allowing them to be there in that moment. It didn't feel awkward at all.

Q: What was the hardest part about placement for you?

A: The moment when you actually handed Ally over to Lori. I was already crying throughout the process, but at that moment, I lost it. There were so many opposing emotions in the room. I could feel the pain that you and your family was feeling, and at the same time, feel the joy that was about to be Lori and Barton's.

Q: From a somewhat outsiders point of view, how did my placement affect your view/opinion of adoption?

A: This was the first time that I had been close to someone involved in adoption. I think it is such a beautiful thing looking at it from the perspective of the adoptive parents. It took me 13 months to get pregnant with my first child, and at that time, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to have children. Knowing that if all else failed with getting pregnant, that adoption is there as an option was a comfort to me. I have an enormous amount of respect for girls who carry a child for 9 months and lovingly give them a home with 2 mature parents who can love and take care of that child. I absolutely don't think I could do it.

Q: What is the most memorable moment from placement?

A: Again, the most memorable moment is the hardest moment, but when you handed Ally to Lori and embraced each other. The room was so thick with emotion and was very overwhelming. There was beautiful moment right before I left when I looked back and saw Lori and Barton holding their baby girl with such gratitude.

Q: Has being at my placement impacted you when it comes to being a mother?

A: The main thing that it does to me now that I am a mother to two boys, is that I now know how you feel about that baby girl. I know what it feels like to fall in love with your child the moment he/she is born and it gives me more of an insight into the pain and grief that you must have felt when you did what you did. I admire your courage and strength and love for Ally to place her with such a wonderful family who loves her as much as you do. Thank you again for allowing me to be a part of that moment in your life.

Todd and Lindsay both played a HUGE part in my adoption story.  They may not know it but they were huge supporters of me all along the way.  I'll never be able to fully thank them for the support they gave me over the years.

Giveaway

Remeber how I posted about The R House and how Mrs R is amazing and how I often stop by The R House Couture and drool over the great things there... well guess what.... Where Angels Hang Around is doing a giveaway.  I of course entered to win and you can too!  What would you win...

Well this of course

It's a wonderful 5x5 print.

So go ahead and click on over to http://www.whereangelshangaround.com and enter to win this print.  It'll make a great addition to any nursery, bedroom, or even can you imagine this print surrounded by family pictures... WONDERFUL!

Meet Crystal

I am so excited about this post!  A little background on how I know Crystal.  I actually have never met her IRL (in real life) but we are Facebook friends.  So how do I know she is related to adoption.... I know Mrs R of The R House.  I helped with the 2010 Adoption Walk and Mrs R and I become friends on Facebook.  I started following her blog and we soon met IRL.  I often drool over the great things at The R House Couture.

I mean look at how cute this is!

Can you say simply wonderful!  After helping out at the Girls Night Out hosted by The R House I felt more of a firm love for Mrs R.  She's simply an amazing woman, huge adoption advocate and truly a wonderful person.

Now onto Crystal.  Here is our little Q & A session

Q: Tell us a little more about yourself (name, age, where you live, what led you to making an adoption plan, and anything else you want the readers to know.)
A: Crystal Renee. I was born 7-8-83 in Jacksonville NC. I currently live in Wilmington NC. I have a 10 year old daughter named Summer and fraternal twin boys, they're 7, named Kobe and Korey. I chose adoption after much deliberation. I was told for years that I was infertile and couldn't have anymore children. So, when I became surprisingly pregnant, I didn't know what to do. I can't even afford to feed myself, much less another mouth. My children deserve so much more and having another child would just make them all hate me. Plus, I can't go back to school with another child. The birth father is the one that "mentioned" adoption.  After I cried and wondered, I knew the baby was here for a reason. I'm pro-life, so abortion was NEVER an option.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant with a baby girl by the way!

Q: Are you planning on having an open or closed adoption?
A: So far, its going to be as open as I want it to be. I'm not sure how much I want at first, I'm sure it'll change over the course of time. I mean, with lives going different ways or such. However, the family I've chosen is all for whatever I want. We can be as open or as closed as I fit. I'm sure its all going to depend on my emotions and everything that goes on. But I do love that I can at least see pictures of her!

Q: How did you find the adoptive couple?
A: Well, that's funny you asked. I used to blog on a family blog called Marvelous Masons. I found tons of friends and mom's that I could relate to or found intriguing. Over the course of blogging, I always stalked a website called The R House. I found her stories wonderful and of course always wondered if I couldn't have anymore, I might be able to get her help. Lol. After my divorce I stopped blogging, it sort of hurt to blog so I deleted it and changed to life of a mother to three. I never really blogged, but it was there and I sometimes checked my blogroll. When adoption came about, I went to this agency.  I did NOT like any of the profiles.  Some blatantly stated only girls, only boys, certain races. It seemed like baby trafficking and I said screw it, I'm keeping it. Until the next day, I just typed in The R House and left a comment on her last post, since I knew it was moderated. She replied. I didn't know what to say honestly, but she did, and it lightened my heart. I knew they were the ones. I did well, if I say so myself!

Click HERE to read the point of view of Mrs R. I remember reading this post and being on the verge of tears. Mr and Mrs R are such amazing people. I am SO extremely excited for them. Crystal is becoming part of a wonderful adoption family.

Q: What is something new you've learned about adoption now that you're going through it?
A: Oh wow! Lots. Haha. Some laws and such. I've learned that I feel bad for adoptive parents on all the money they have to spend on adopting. Emotions that are involved. And the one that burns me the most, scammers! It hurts my heart. If I was able to give babies to everyone, I would.

Q: How does your family feel about your adoption plan?
A: Not everyone knows. When I told a few, they bashed. Also, I've kept this pregnancy a secret for personal reasons. I honestly don't care what anyone says anymore. This my choice and its not easy!

Q: Tell us a little bit about why you feel adoption is best for you.
A: Well, as stated before, I've got 3 kids. I'm 28 and can't afford another. I also firmly believe all children need a father. My oldest don't have one and even though this ones father and I are still together, his fatherly track is not sweet. I want this one to be a daddy's little girl!!

Q: How are you preparing for placement?
A: Ahh! Is there a preparation checklist? If so, share please! I'm just taking it day by day. And I look at it as if I'm a surrogate, not a birth mother!

Q: What is a question you're dying to ask other birth mothers?
A: Did anything change after you placed as far as promises from the adoptive family?

I fully welcome Crystal into the fold with open arms and heart. The road ahead is rough but worth it. I can't wait to update you all on Crystal and how things go with her and The R House.

Birth mother readers.... Post a comment on how you prepared for placement and answer Crystals question... PLEASE!

To read more about Crystal and her journey through the adoption world you can find her blog HERE