I can not tell you the times I laid awake at night praying that I would be able to find the perfect daddy for my unborn child. I knew I could have been a great mother to Ally but the biggest thing missing was a great father. Ally's birth father was less than happy about the surprise pregnancy. He was in fact pretty sure I needed to "take care of it." So I knew, without a doubt, that I wouldn't allow someone like that in her life. The weeks I went through of planning on parenting I kept thinking in the back of my mind, "well what kind of dad is she going to have?" It was the one nagging thing that made me really, truly, and honestly consider adoption.
I've been asked a few times why I placed Ally for adoption strictly because I wanted her to have a good father. The answer is simple.... I HAVE AN AMAZING FATHER! He really is amazing! I am the youngest of 4 and the only girl. Yes you read that right, I am the only girl and the youngest. My daddy has always called me his princess. I could bat my eyes and my dad would come running. I was loved beyond believe (not just by my dad) and I knew I was.
Isn't my dad a hoot! haha! This was during delivery. He was my comedic relief!
I wanted so much for Ally to have exactly what I had. But there was also a something bigger. A reason that some people don't understand. I wanted my daughter to be raised by a father who could bless her, baptize her, and be there when she was married in the temple. I wanted her to have a father who could give her the blessings of the temple that I wouldn't be able to for a while (You can learn more about temple blessings HERE). I wanted Ally to have the same blessings in this life as I did.
So while I was looking at couples I was focusing more on what the father said than what the mother said. How he spoke about the mother and the way he spoke about his children. And then when I looked at the pictures in Lori and Barton's profile my heart skipped a beat. He was a hands on, loving, active father like I couldn't give my baby. As the months went on I continued to grow to look up to Barton. He was an amazing father to the 2 boys that they had at the time. I knew that my decision to place was so right because of who Ally's father would be.
A few weeks ago Ally's mom sent me pictures from their recent trip to California (that right there tells me she's with the right family because I LOVE the beach and so do they). This one struck me as the PERFECT picture!
This is what I wanted for Ally. She has a father who loves her, cares for her, dotes on her, and is everything and more than what I could have given her at the time.
I did a recent poll between birth mothers and adoptive mothers.
Out of 40 women 19 of those women said the birth father of the Adoptee was not at all involved. 8 said the birth father was supportive of the adoption. 5 said the birth father was against the adoption but didn't do anything to stop it. 5 said the birth father signed TPR because the birth mother wanted them to. 3 said the birth father tried to fight the adoption.
Why is it that there are more women who said the birth father wasn't at all involved. Why do men choose to leave when they should be supporting, accepting, and dealing with the situation? I have to say how grateful I am that Daniel wasn't one of those fathers. If he was Cayden wouldn't be with us today. Instead of being one of those fathers Daniel was supportive, accepting and eventually became a single father at 19. He did what he needed to when they felt adoption wasn't the right choice for them. He is an amazing father to Cayden. He always has been. I will forever and eternally be grateful that I have Daniel in my life and that is he the father of my boys. I only hope and pray that men/boys who find themselves in certain situations will do what isn't always the easy thing and take responsibility by either making an adoption plan or a parenting plan. These babies are brought into this world to be loved, cared for, and nurtured. We need to do all we can to show them that.
Cayden and Daniel (September 2009)
