Tuesday, March 26, 2013

He's 2!

WARNING... you are about to look at incredibly cute and rather stunning pictures.  Be prepared to say awww....

What did I tell you, cute right!?  Jaxson is 2.  And to be honest part of me feels like it's dying.  for the longest time I felt like god had given me a gift by having Jaxson be a boy instead of a girl like I had prayed for (read about that here).  It truly has healed my soul in ways that I never thought possible.  I can not tell you the times that I have cried myself to sleep thinking of all the things that I missed out on with Cayden (this was before jaxson was born).  There were nights where I was angry that I got cheated out of his first 2 years.  Nights where I was devestated that I wasn't there every day for Ally's first 2 years.  I mean literally it got under my skin and festered until I didn't think I could ever get over it.

I read a post recently about how we need to share our struggles with those who understand how we are feelings.  Birth mothers share what they are going through with birth mothers, adoptive mothers with adoptive mothers and so on.  The only problem is that I have yet to find someone that gets how I feel.  I have yet to find a birth mother who became an adoptive mother who struggled with secondary fertility issues.  That's a mouth full now isn't it.  So here is my question... Have you?!  Please share!  I'd like to meet someone who understands the fears, worries, struggles, and pain that I do on a daily basis.

Friday, January 18, 2013

You couldn't do it....

Dear Dax Shepard.... You couldn't do it even if you wanted to.  

That is what I wish I could scream at his face.  I wish I could show him that what he says is stupid and wrong.

In a recent story (read here) Dax Shepard made the stupid comment of
"We're giving the child up for adoption". 

 He and Kristen Bell are expecting.  When I read this I wanted to hurl, well that and hurl a brick at his head.  I can not tell you how many times someone has said to me "I don't know how you did it" or " I could never give my baby up for adoption".  To them I have just a few words....
I did not take the easy way out.  I fought, hard, for what I knew was right for my daughter and for what I knew was right for me.  I forced myself to have the strength I needed to in order to do what I did.  So to you who think... "I could never do that."  YOU ARE RIGHT!  You couldn't because you don't have the strength to "hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart."