Saturday, April 16, 2011

Physical vs Emotional

I will NEVER forget the emotional pain that day (May 14, 2007) holds.  The feeling that life itself was ending, that my heart would stop beating.  I will NEVER forget that pain....

This pregnancy however I've had to endure a different kind of pain.  Physical pain.  A pain that, trust me, I would take a thousand times over instead of the emotional pain.  The physical pain of this pregnancy started on January 12 (DANG paper route :)) and unfortunately didn't end at delivery like I was hoping.  My physical pain has continued throughout nursing.  It's not done yet either.  After 10 days of antibiotic shots in my butt (talk about extreme burning pain) I'm still suffering from the worst case of mastitis (breast infection) that my doctor has ever seen.  You know you're the "worst case scenario" when they ask to take a picture for future reference.  The physical pain from mastitis, on top of continuing to nurse, on top of healing from delivery has been more than I can bare at times.  I've broken down crying many times telling my mom or Daniel that I'm done, I quit, I can't take it anymore.

And then I remember sitting on the edge of that hospital bed saying goodbye to my baby Ally.
I remember... I can do hard things.  
I can and will do anything for my children.  I will willing take this physical pain because my child will benefit.  I will take this physical pain because I've already done the worst emotional pain any human being can handle.  I will take this physical pain because I am a mother!

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