Monday, May 2, 2011

Birth Parent Panel

I had the great privilege of sitting on a birth parent panel this past weekend.  For those of you who don't know what a birth parent panel is....

A birth parent panel is where birth parents (for the most part birth mothers because most birth fathers aren't involved or they don't like to talk about things) are asked questions about their adoption experience.  The questions range from what made you decide on adoption to share your advice for adoptive couples.  It's very insightful for many adoptive couples who have NEVER been on the other side of adoption.  While the adopting side is very positive and happy the placement side can be and usually is very negative and sad.  While there are moments that are happy and good when it comes to placement the simple decision to place your child for adoption is heart breaking, no matter what the situation is. So for adoptive couples to be able to hear first hand what it's like it better prepares them for the road ahead of them.

Any way back to what I was saying.  At the panel I realized a few things about me and my adoption(s).  
  • The first thing is that I am INCREDIBLY blessed to have the support of EVERY single member of my family.  Not one of my aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandparents questioned my decision to place Ally for adoption.  They were completely supportive of my decision and were at times my rock in times of need.  
  • The second thing I realized was that I am so blessed to be part of Lori and Barton's life.  They have continued to include me in their life, although I know at times it is a struggle because of their busy schedules, and I am truly beyond thankful.  Getting to know them for my entire pregnancy I bonded with them, both of them not just Lori, and it would have crushed me to not stay in contact with them.  I think of Lori as a sister and Barton a big brother.  I can turn to them with anything at any time.  They are completely understanding of everything and SO supportive of me.
  • Third I realized that because I decided on the adoptive couple so soon I was able to feel comfortable enough with them to have them spend lots of time with me and Ally in the hospital.  I was able to watch as Ally's mother cut the cord and as her father loving looked on as she was all cleaned up.  I will NEVER forget being wheeled into the NICU and having Barton sitting watching over his daughter.  He is the man I always dreamed my daughter would have in her life and I am eternally grateful for him.
  • Forth I realized that I need to do more to share the positive aspects of my adoption(s) with others.  While things with Cayden's adoption haven't always been positive there are aspects of it that are very positive.  People need to know what I've been through because I have a firm testimony that by sharing my experiences it can help others through the struggles they are going through.
So with that I'll end with an amazing quote by an amazing man....

"Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest in these His little ones.Now, love them, take care of them."
President Gordon B. Hinckley


Anonymous said...

Where were you on a panel?!? The only reason I ask, is I helped plan one this past weekend, and didn't get to see the final list of names, and sadly, I didn't get to listen. I have been stalking your blog for some time and I might die a little inside if I missed meeting you in person. You are adorable!

Shaw Family said...

In West Valley at the stake center on the corner of 4100 and Bangeter. Feel free to ask me whenever you are planning a pannel. I LOVE doing them! I had to bring Jaxson to this one.

Anonymous said...

I was there!!! I sit on the FSA board that plans it. I was so busy, I missed it. I am super bugged! Do you go to an agency for Birthmothers Day celebrations?!? Like, maybe the West Valley one this afternoon?