Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Birth Mothers Day

Most people outside the world of adoption do not know about birth mother's day.  Many people inside the adoption world do not know about birth mother's day.  It's not a day marked on calendars or a day a "typical" family would celebrate.  It is however a day I hold dear to my heart and a day that has brought me peace and comfort throughout my adoption journey.  It is a day that I always celebrate (even if my husbands thinks I shouldn't) because I am a birth mother and because a birth mother sacrificed for me and has given me Cayden.  Birth mother's day is the saturday before mothers day.  The first birth mother's day that I experienced was actually the day I signed my rights away (you can read more about it HERE), something I felt so strongly about that it was very easy for me to do.  The first mother's day I experienced was in the hospital, with Ally (you can read more about it HERE).  Both days were hard for me because I didn't know exactly what I should feel.  On birth mother's day I didn't feel I had done anything special to deserve the title (because at that point I hadn't) and on mother's day I didn't feel I deserved to be called Ally's mother (because I wasn't).  Over the years birth mother's day became crucial in my healing process.  Every year I would spend time by myself thinking about the choice I had made, thinking about the baby I had given an amazing life to.  However healing birth mother's day was for me mother's day seemed to be increasingly harder as the years went on.  2009 was the hardest year for me to date.  I had just met Daniel and my emotions were pretty high at the time.  Cayden had also just become part of my life but I wasn't positive how things were shaping up with his birth mother.  I was sort of in limbo.  Each year has improved and with Jaxson being added to our family this mother's day will be even more special.
I never dreamed in a thousand years I would have the privledge of being every roll a mother could ever be.  My heavenly father has truly blessed me with many little lives and I'm eternally grateful.

This year birth mothers day will be a day I am even more thankful for Jordan and the sacrifice she made for me.  Because the adoption has become semi-closed there are certain things I wish I could do for her that I can't.  Things that would be counter productive in Cayden's healing process (there will be a post about how that is going/not going to come in the next couple hours I hope) and yet very productive in Jordan's healing process I believe.  So this birth mother's day I will cry a tear in my behalf and hers.

This year mother's day will be a day where I celebrate my boys and the wonderful things they have brought to my life.  I can't imagine not having Cayden ask me a thousand questions while driving down the road and having Jaxson screaming at the top of his lungs the entire time (he HATES his car seat).

So please recognize the birth mother in your life this saturday.  Whether she is someone you don't know very well or someone who had given you the gift of motherhood she is someone special.  LET HER KNOW THAT!

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