Saturday morning I woke up sore but determined to spend as much time with Ally as physically possible. I called down to the NICU and found out that over the night she had been taken off oxygen and was doing well. I was excited about the fact that I would be able to hold my baby with out all the tubes and wires and be worried that she wasn't breathing right or that the way I was holding her wasn't helping her. I think I just about RAN down to the NICU after I got off the phone. I was brought to tears when I saw my precious baby. I couldn't believe for even just a few days I had the joy of being this little angel's mommy.
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Throughout my pregnancy I had worked on a blanket for Ally. Something that I could send with her that would always be from her birth mother. I didn't really ever take a cute picture of it but it was a rag blanket and I thought it was adorable. Debbie, Hannah, and Abbie helped me make it while I was living with them. I liked to call it her "security blanket" while she was in the hopsital.
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The inside of Ally's "security blanket"
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Ya sorry about the cleavage.... My milk came in Saturday morning and as you can tell..... BAD NEWS!
I really enjoyed being able to feed Ally. By Saturday she had gotten up to eating a whole ounce. It's sounds funny that I was excited about an ounce but it was progress and that was all that mattered!
Part of my plan was to sign relinqishment papers as soon as I could. Normally that would be 24 hours. But because Ally was sick I had to wait 48 hours. I wanted to sign so that Branden couldn't do anything. I wanted everything to be in my control and I knew by signing the papers and soon as I could it would allow me to have more control over the situation. I signed Saturday May 12, 2007 (birth mothers day). I have to say I had a very easy time signing the papers. I think mostly because I had a struggle with my decision the day before and I had made up my mind that it was right then. I also tried to look at the papers as me just signing my name and not really think about it. I didn't want to break down and cry about it. The other problem/solution to not crying was that I had to be off pain medication in order to sign the papers. With a 3rd degree I was on STRONG pain meds about every 4 hours and motrin every 2 or so. The pain was really intense. My case worker couldn't read fast enough. I was in so much pain I could hardly think. My nurse was actually standing in the room holding my pain meds so that as soon as I had signed everything I could hurry and take them. It made for a very long couple of minutes
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