It didn't make sense that I would be holding a baby boy. I had just placed a baby girl for adoption, that would have made so much more sense had my dream been about a baby girl. I went back to sleep but didn't sleep well at all. The next day I couldn't stop thinking about the baby in my dream. Where was he, who was he, why did I need to be his mommy? So many questions and NO answers! For the next three weeks I had the same dream every single night. I realized that for whatever reason there was a little boy that needed me to be his mommy.
I didn't know why but I knew I would, with time, become his mommy. My life went down a different path than I thought it would and I soon forgot about the baby boy in my dreams. Through hard times in life however Heavenly Father kept reminding me with dreams of the same beautiful baby boy.
Right after I moving back home in October of 2008 I had my baby dream for five weeks, every single night. I knew in my heart something had happened and that baby boy needed me to be his Mommy. I cried so many nights because I had no control over the situation. I didn't know where the baby boy was or how to find him.
In January of 2009 I had the same dream again for 2 weeks straight. I knew without a doubt that soon I would find my baby boy and I would be his mommy. In April of 2009 I found my baby boy!!! I met his daddy, on a dating website, and we hit it off. Within days I met Cayden and when I saw him for the first time I just about screamed with joy. I had found my baby boy. Every single time I looked at him I knew.... "As long as your living my baby you'll be."
Cayden soon became attached to me and started calling me mommy. Although Daniel and I tried desperately to get him to call me KK or something other than Mommy he wouldn't. In my heart I knew why. He is my dream baby.
I remember seeing baby pictures of Cayden and my heart skipping a beat here and there. The baby in my dreams was, without a doubt him. I had held him and rocked him in my dreams so many times. I knew he was there, somewhere, but didn't know how to find him.
I can't begin to explain the immediate love the filled my heart. I know that Heavenly Father prepared me to be Cayden's mommy. I can't imagine my life without him! I am SO very blessed to be able to be his mommy!
Through months of arguments and a hostile environment at the place where Cayden's birth mother was living I finally realized why I needed to be a mother to Cayden. It broke my heart to know that there were times when Cayden wasn't safe. I hated being in out house without him on the weekends and hated even more the adjustment days after he would come home. I wanted my baby to be safe and loved all the time. Through many conversations with Cayden's birth mother we realized that things weren't going to change. It then became a matter of prayer and fasting. I offered my heart up to the Lord many times begging him to allow my child to always be safe.
We decided that it would be the right thing for us if his birth mother would allow me to adopt Cayden. At first she wasn't willing to even talk about it. But after a few months of seeing how happy he was in our home and seeing how much he loved me as his mother she signed the papers. I am and always will be grateful for the sacrifice Cayden's birth mother made for me. I wish her the best in everything that she does and I know the love that she does have for Cayden.
When I first found out I was pregnant with Ally there was no way I would have thought that I would become an adoptive mother. The day I placed Ally I never would have dreamed that my son, who is just 3 weeks older than Ally, would be already in the world waiting for me. I truly am blessed to be Ally's birth mother and Cayden's Mommy.
And so to both of my babies... Please Always remember....
"I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as your living my baby you'll be."
This is the Little face I would see in my dreams. Holding this little boy, rocking him back and forth, singing him songs.