Thursday, September 16, 2010

Brandon seeing Ally

After I learned that Lori and Barton were ok with Brandon seeing Ally I kinda freaked out. Ok that's an understatement. My real feelings were that I was being undermined. I had done what was best for my child, and that was keeping Brandon out of her life, and yet in the end everything I did was for not. I felt like my feelings on the situation didn't matter. I was furious with Kevin for even considering it and furious with Lori and Barton for wanting to meet him. In reality they didn't know much about him, because I didn't know much about him, and wanted to know more. I didn't see Brandon opening up to them because of his feelings toward them. I was angry that he would go behind my back to get to the couple.

I emailed Lori and let her know that I was VERY concerned about the whole situation. She emailed me back and let me know that she too was very concerned about it. But that she thought they needed to give him a chance. I tried to tell her how many chances I gave him but I felt like it fell on deaf ears. She emailed me back and said that she had prayed about everything and felt like Brandon wouldn't leave them alone unless they did this.

I wanted to be there, not in the room, but in the agency when he was there. Kevin however didn't think that was a good idea so I once again took matters into my own hands. I decided that I would wait outside the agency and make sure that he didn't get away with my baby (that was my big concern... he'd threatened me a couple different times that if he ever saw Ally he'd take her). I knew the day that Brandon would be there but had to be tricky to find out what time. I showed up ten minutes early and watched Brandon pull up on his brand new Harley (yes since he was such a responsible adult he decided to buy a Harley).

I was furious the entire time. I didn't want him to hold my child. I didn't want him to feel like he was at all apart of the decision that I had made. When he was in there I was SO tempted to walk over to his Harley and just "happen" to knock it over... HAHAHAHA!!!! But of course I didn't. I knew that would just look bad and I wanted to be rid of him. I wanted him out of my life and out of the adoptive couples life.

I don't know what was said during the time he was in there. Lori took a few pictures (oh which I scrapbooked for her but felt like burning the whole time) of him holding Ally. I thought of how amazing Lori and Barton are. They are truly AMAZING!!!

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