Wednesday, July 25, 2012

He isn't great... but I must teach love

I read THIS blog post over at Birthmother 4 Adoption and felt a swift kick in the gut when I read it.

"If you teach a child to hate where they came from , they will start to hate themselves."

When I read these words I couldn't help but think of all the negative things I've said about Ally's birth father.   While I don't like or agree with choices he made in the past with regards to Ally I can't allow her to only know those things.  I want her to know that she got her dimples from him, and she got her dance moves from him (because there is no way I look that goofy when I dance LOL).  I want her to know that just because he has made choices I don't like doesn't mean he is a bad person.  He tries his best to be a good father to his daughter.  He has been forgiving of me and the awful things I said to him and I can't help but feel grateful.

While I know he wasn't supportive of my decision to place Ally for adoption I know that he sees the life she has and is grateful for how blessed she is.  I want her to know that he loves her very much.

There are always things we need to improve on.  Ways we need to be more Christ like.  Aspects of our lives that could improve.  I am grateful for Jessa and snapping me into shape.

I encourage all of you birth mothers, and adoptive mothers/fathers who don't have very open adoptions with the birth father to write down at least 1 positive attribute of your child's birth father. 1 thing you want your child to know.  1 trait you see in your son/daughter that came from their birth father.  I know it may seem impossible but I promise you.  It will be healing for you and for your child.

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