Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sooner than I thought

My entire pregnancy with Jaxson I have been anticipating the day I would have to once again walk into the Labor and Delivery department of Davis Hospital. I knew it would be hard. I knew I would have emotions and feelings to deal with that I haven't had ever (or in a long time). What I didn't know is how much I would remember and how those memories would affect me SO much.

Thursday night around 10pm I had one really hard contractions, followed in 3 minutes by another really hard contraction and so on until 11pm when they stopped all together for about 30 min. I didn't want to wake Daniel up and so I waited it out. I had 2 contractions in 40 minutes and thought I was in the clearing. I went to bed and didn't think much of it. However Friday morning when I woke up I was fine... until about 10am. The pains began again and boy were they strong. From 10am to about 11am I was having contractions about 7 minutes apart. Around 11am they stopped and again I didn't have any for 30 minutes. I stayed in bed all day but consistently had strong contractions. I called the doctors office and was told I needed to go into the hospital (that was around 1:30pm). I packed my bag and Cayden's bag and waited for Daniel to get home from work (that's around 3:40pm) and then we headed to the hospital. The nurse led me to Room 6 (Not 4 thankfully, that would have been a nightmare) and I got changed while Daniel and Cayden went down to admit me. I tried to take as much time as possible knowing that being lone in the labor and delivery room wouldn't be good for my emotions. after I got dressed in the lovely green gown they supply i sat in the chair next to the bed, silently dreading the moment I had to get in it. As I looked around the room a flood of memories came over it. It was almost like I was there as a spectator watching Ally be born. Barton sitting in one corner by my head, my dad in the other. Lori and my mom watching in awe as that sweet little angel entered this world. as I began to sob, somewhat uncontrollably I remembered the heart stopping feelings I had right after Ally was born. Not hearing her cry was one of the most terrifying sounds of silence I have ever lived through. I was soon brought back to reality by the sounds of my own sobs. I knew I needed to get myself together before the nurse came in so she didn't think i was crying about the pain. when the nurse did come in I asked if I HAD to get in the bed. She looked at me and said "well, you're in early labor. So ya, you do." She had a look in her eyes that almost said... you've got to be kidding me, not another crazy pregnant lady. So I quickly replied, "It's not a big deal it's just that the last time I got in a labor and delivery bed it was to give birth to a baby I placed for adoption." Her expression quickly softened and she said "Oh. I'm sorry. Yes you kind of need to get in the bed now." A few minutes later Cayden and Daniel came back up and I was quickly reminded by my so sweet "almost 4 year old" that my decisions in the past were right. As I sat in that bed listening to my babies heart beat I realized my journey was coming full circle.

The biggest difference this time around is Daniel. He was SO sweet! When I told him I had been having a hard time he made sure he was as close to me as possible. when my dad came to get Cayden, Daniel made sure to give me a hug and a kiss before he left the room. He told me four times, "I'll be back in just a few minutes. If you need anything call me." He was SO incredibly sweet. By 7pm I knew Daniel had to be hungry because I was completely and utterly starving. Ice ships and 1/2 a Popsicle only made me more hungry too. I literally had to threaten him so he would go get food. He was simply adorable! I can't believe how lucky I am to have such an amazing man willing to stay by my side. I am SO blessed!

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