Sunday, July 3, 2011

Birth Grandparents

I was able to attend a Michael McLean concert in May put on by LDSFS.  It was very eye opening for me.  I learned so much about myself but I learned even more about my parents.  I was blessed to sit next to my dear friend Rachel and her AMAZING parents Rick and Kathy (truly love these people to death and I love spending Saturday's at their home in WY).  There was a part in the concert where Micheal McLean started talking about his grandchild.  He told about when his first grandchild was born he had a real awakening for what birth grandparents go through.  It was through the words that he spoke that my eyes were opened to the pain my decisions in life have put my parents though.  The decision of adoption was right, true, and perfect for me and the situation.  That doesn't mean that it didn't come with emotions, complications, and heart ache.

In the book From God's Arms To My Arms To Yours by Michael McLean there is a section called "The Others"  It says....
"When a birth mother makes the hard decision that her child is meant to be in another home, it affects more people more deeply than she could ever imagine.  Not only is a birth father having to face letting go of this child, but everyone else in their extended families is too: aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.  And though the families may support and even be proud of the choice, it's still hard, especially for the grand parents.  It means letting go of all the memories they expected to make together--trips to the cabin, cookie-baking sessions, sleepovers, spoiling and applauding and loving.  Grandparents have a special place in their hearts dedicated to giving their grandchildren everything they want.  It takes true courage and the truest kind of love to be willing to give them everything they need.  "

The song called 'Hardest for Me' was written with birth grandparents in mind.  It's a song that truly touches my heart....
I'd start this out saying that my heart is breaking.  But that wouldn't truly convey the depth of my feeling.  It's no use concealing the things I don't know how to say.  You'll be leaving and I'll be grieving a dream that never will be.  It's a hard test when what's best for you is hardest for me.  When this decision made such a revision.  In plans I held tightly before.  My fear was that it wasn't clear to me giving you up was really giving you more. 'Cause anyone loving you more than I already do was hard to believe.  It's a hard test when what's best for you is hardest for me.  Its' a taste of the bitter that lets us know better.  Why one suffered in Gethsemane.  It's a hard test when what's best for you is what's hardest for me.
As I sat there next to Kathy, Rachel and Rick I realized the true sacrifice that my parents had made.  The sacrifice that all birth grandparents make.  Until that moment I didn't truly understand the tears that were shed in the hospital by my family members, especially my parents.  For the longest time I believed that the tears my parents shed the day of placement were because I was in pain.  I think I believed that because if I truly knew the reason of their tears it would have torn me in two.  I still cry when I think about it to this day.  Yes my mother and father were shedding a few tears for the pain that I was dealing with but the majority of their tears was because of their own pain.  The pain of loosing a grandchild.  

My mother has said that the best thing in the world is being a Nana.  She is the best Nana that my son's could ever ask for.  She does everything she possibly can for them and loves them to no end.  She never skipped a beat when Cayden joined our family.  They had an instant connection.  Her love for him never changed, it's been there from the beginning.  She's ALWAYS been his Nana.  When I see the joy she brings into my son's lives I sometimes get a little heart sick for the loss that she must have felt.

But I always remember that although there was loss there was also great joy.
This is only 1 of Ally's AMAZING grandparents but having met them all I can say that they are ALL incredible people.  The joy that they bring to Ally is exactly what makes the hard choice all worth it.  The smiles, hugs, and laughter that they share with their grandchildren is an astounding blessing.  Without the miracle of adoption they wouldn't have the grandchildren they do.  It's amazing the love that can shine through a grandmothers smile.  It's amazing the love that comes along with adoption.

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