Trifecta

I have been told a couple times that I am the trifecta of motherhood.  The first time someone said it to me I laughed.  I'd never thought about it before.  Having been able to experience every aspect of motherhood has been wonderful, heart breaking, painful, joyful, and sometimes down right scary.  There have been times where I've been asked if the love is the same.  It's usually by future adoptive parents of birth mothers that worry they'll never love another child like they loved the one they placed.  I can attest to you that FOR ME I love Cayden just like I love Jaxson.  And over the years I've realized that I love them both the same way I loved Ally.  I've said before (HERE) that I realized the love I have for Ally was different from the love I have for Cayden.  I've never wondered if I would love Jaxson more than I love Cayden.  He's my son just as much as Jaxson is.  Being able to see adoption from both sides has been an amazing struggle.  I have times where the pain of placement seems unbearable.  Days where I question with everything in my soul if I made the right decision.  But those days are few and far between and those days are the days where Lori knows I need contact and Lori knows I need an update.  I NEVER have to ask how things are going on my "hard days."  The update just comes and my doubts are gone, my pain is eased and I am again back into my "new normal".  So does being the trifecta of motherhood make me different than most, yes.  But it also comes with it's own set of challenges.