Friday, November 18, 2011

Adoption Blogger Interview-Meet Lois

I was so happy to participate in the Adoption Bloggers Interview Project. It is such a great opportunity to meet wonderful people who have been touched by adoption. I was paired up with Lois. She and her husband are hoping to adopt. In all of my blog hopping I've never read her blog. I enjoyed leaning more about her and what her and her husband have gone through. Feel free to go check out her blog HERE.

Here is the Q & A with her....

Q:  Are your boys adopted or biological?
A:  We have two sons who are both biological. Our oldest is 8 years old and our youngest is 5 and just started Kindergarten this year.

Q:  How have you prepared your boys for "waiting for a baby"?
A:  We actually talked to them before we even submitted our application to the agency and asked them how they felt about the possibility of adding a new baby to our family because it will have such a big impact on their lives as well. They both agreed they would like that. Since then we have talked about it a lot and what it would mean to have another child in our family. We talked about how we were adopting this time and the baby would grow in someone else’s tummy and then come to live with us. They are very excited about the possibility and often talk about a possible name, buying a cute outfit, or keeping a special book they love for “the baby.” But it’s a balancing act because we don’t know how long the wait will be, and like all kids they want a baby NOW! So we talk about “if” a lot in case we do not end up adopting for some reason. We’ve been waiting for 2 years so it’s hard for them as well as us.

Q;  Do you want to have an open, semi-open, semi-closed, or closed adoption?
A:  We are open to any type based on what the expectant parents desire, but ideally we would like an open adoption. We’ve seen so many examples of how it is much better for everyone involved, especially the child to know their birth families and have a relationship of some sort with them. We hope to be able to develop and build this relationship based on mutual agreement. I’ve gotten to know several wonderful birth moms who are in open adoptions and seen how much having an open adoption means to them.
Another reason, we’d ideally like an open adoption is that my mother-in-law placed her first three children for adoption and it was closed. They were reunited a few years ago and it was so hard for them to build a relationship. There was resentment on their part and guilt on hers and it’s taken them a long time to get to a good place, which is still somewhat stressed. Moreover, she missed out on seeing her granddaughters grow up and being a part of their lives.
I hope that by having an open adoption, it will help ease some of these things, and give our child a firm foundation. Plus, the more people to love a child the better.

Q:  Do you have any fears about adopting?
A:  I think our biggest fear about adopting is just that it will not happen for us and we will not end up adding a child to our family. As prospective adoptive parents, you really have to give up control totally to God and trust that He will bring your little one to you in His time. As a type A person who is a doer/go-getter, this is something that is very difficult to me. I have to accept that although we can do tons of networking, we still just have to wait for an expectant mother to select us, and not just any expectant mother but the one that God has planned. My new favorite verse that is helping me get through this period of waiting is: “Now FAITH is being sure of what we HOPE for and certain of what we do not see.” ~Hebrews 11:1

Q:  If you're choosing to have an open adoption what do you feel is going to be the biggest "struggle" for you regarding the birth mother?
A:  I think the biggest struggle will be to keep the lines of communication open and honest even when it’s easier to not. Each side of the triad comes into the relationship with fear. Prospective adoptive parents fear the expectant parents won’t like them, that they won’t pick them, that they’ll change their mind, they’ll take the child away after placement if their state allows them to revoke the TPR, the birth mom will regret her decision or just pull away for some unknown reason without explanation. Expectant parents worry that this family isn’t the right one, they aren’t making the right decision for their child, that maybe they should parent, and then after placement that they will say or do something that will close the adoption. Communication is such a key to helping elevate these fears and building a relationship that will grow and last.

Q:  Can you describe why you and your husband have chosen adoption?
A:  I had some complications with each pregnancy and wasn’t getting any younger. My husband, Ray and I decided that although we really wanted another child. We just didn’t feel like our family was complete yet, but we didn’t want to risk another pregnancy for me or a child. I had been thinking about adoption for a month or so but figured Ray would not go along with it so I had just sort of put it out of my mind. A week or so later he came to me and asked me if I had considered adoption. Um, yes! We started the process to adopt in September 2009.

You can go and read more interviews HERE

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