Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Pregnancy Loss

I have recently felt the desire to talk about things that have an impact on our lives that are not just adoption.  They are things that can lead to adoption and things that adoptive couples may have lived through.  But the topic today is not about adoption.  This is an issue I haven't talked about much.  It hurts and it's real and I know FAR too many people who have dealt with the loss of a pregnancy.  The most recent is someone I went to high school with.  We weren't close in high school but I knew of her and her sister.  I heard about her loss shortly after it happened and was struck by this picture.

It is simply beautiful!

Another friend of mine had an ectopic pregnancy with many complications and was farther along than most ectopic pregnancies when they found out.  She shared this on her blog.

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

There is no way to heal a broken heart from pregnancy loss. It's a very sensitive subject and shouldn't be taken lightly. Daniel and I have dealt with the pains of pregnancy loss and there is no way to describe the feelings that a mother goes through during that time. I clearly remember laying on the floor pleading that the pain would stop. It was feelings I'd never felt before. I've known the pain of placement. Choosing a better life for my child but in a form loosing them. Never did I imagine that pain I would feel when I would loose my child without a choice. I've often thought of the little babes that were too perfect for this earth. They have a mommy and daddy who love them very much. I can't help but cry when I read the following poem.

I have not turned my back on you
So there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven
Just beyond the morning sky.

I've seen you almost fall apart
When you could barely stand.
I asked an angel to comfort you
And watched her take your hand.

She told me you are in more pain
Than I could ever be.
She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard
Then gave your hand to me.

Although you may not feel my touch
Or see me by your side.
I've whispered that I love you
While I wiped each tear you cried.

So please try not to ache for me
We'll meet again one day.
Beyond the dark and stormy sky
A rainbow lights the way.
To read more about stories about pregnancy loss you can read Emily and Danielle's story.  I went to high school with both of these girls and they truly are amazing women.  Thank you both for allowing me to share your story of my blog.

I am also posting links to The R House and the awesome things she has written about pregnancy loss
These are GREAT resources that can be helpful to many people dealing with this type of a loss.