Saturday, November 5, 2011

I sleep at night...

I have received multiple emails asking me how I sleep at night depriving Cayden of the open relationship I have with Ally. I've never justified my decision to close Cayden's adoption to anyone because I've never felt the need to go into detail about the things in Cayden's past. I respect him birth mother too much to do that. But for those who don't know...closing Cayden's adoption was one of the most gut wrenching decision I've made in my life. You can read more about that here...HERE.

However... Regardless of how hard the decision was for me I know without a doubt it was right for Cayden. I can not describe how my heart breaks every night he wakes up screaming for me to "save him". Crying and clinging to me like he's about to die. I would and will do anything to prevent those nights. And since the adoption has been closed the longest he had gone is 3 months night mare free. Three months doesn't sound like a long time but when you take into account when the adoption was open he would have 2 or 3 a night... HUGE progress has been made.  So while I wish more than anything Jordan and Cayden could have a healthy relationship in the next little while.  Last night's night mare proved other wise.  Say what you will but my decision is mine.  As Cayden's mother I have the right to do what is best for him... Even if that is closing his adoption.

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