Wednesday, November 16, 2011


Q: Tell a little about when you first found out you were pregnant.
A: I found out I was pregnant in March of 2010. I was 22 years old, living with my now ex-boyfriend, who is a psychologically abusive alcoholic. We'll call him DB. DB had just lost his job, which caused him to go on a drinking binges for weeks at a time. I was working 20 hours a week at a local daycare making minimum wage. Because DB had just lost his job, he didn't have money for booze, so he would manipulate and abuse me until I gave it to him. 

Q: What was your boyfriend's reaction to your pregnancy? 
A: At first, DB was shocked. He was convinced he was sterile. Then he was angry, called me a slut and a whore and accused me of having sex with other men. After the initial shock and anger, he still really couldn't believe I was pregnant. 

Q: Did you ever consider adoption? 
A: Of course. That was my first instinct. I knew that neither DB nor  I were in a position to take care of and raise a child. However, when I mentioned adoption to DB, he threatened to kill me if I gave away his child. I didn't think he was serious the first time, but every time I mentioned it, his answer was, "I will find you and kill you if you even think of giving away my child." Of course, I was so emotionally and mentally repressed that I believed him. 

Q: Why was having an abortion the decision you felt was right? 
A: You have to understand that I was in a very abusive relationship, and I was mentally and emotionally messed up. In fact, "messed up" is an understatement for the emotional state I was in.  It's not something you understand until you've been in that kind of relationship. You feel trapped and helpless. After DB threatened to kill me if I gave the baby up for adoption, I had no idea what to do. I knew I couldn't take care of the baby if I kept it and I knew my life was in danger if I gave it away. I started thinking about abortion, but was hesitant to actually do it. About 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I started having dreams about DB killing the baby. In some dreams, DB would be so drunk, he wouldn't hear the baby crying and the baby would die of neglect. In other dreams, DB would get so frustrated with the baby's crying, he would shake the baby or throw the baby against a wall. These dreams were so realistic, I would wake up screaming. After having these dreams for a week, I couldn't take it anymore, and that is when I made the decision to have an abortion. 

Q: After your abortion did you ever have feelings that you'd made the wrong decision? 
A: This might make some of your readers angry, but in my situation, no. I never felt that I had made the wrong decision. I was so emotionally and mentally unstable, and the circumstances I was in were so horrible and traumatic that I couldn't bring myself to bring a life into the world, knowing exactly what I was bringing my baby into. I know that if I had been in a different situation, I would have kept the baby or given him up for adoption. I say "him" because I'm convinced the baby was a boy.

Q: Have you told people about your abortion? If so, what were their reactions? 
A: I've told a few close friends and a family member. I was surprised at the support I received. Most of my friends knew about the relationship I was in and they said they would have done the same thing if they had been in my position. 

Q: What advice would you give to women who find themselves pregnant and are considering their options? 
A: Do what is right for you, but don't think abortion is the only way out. You'll be surprised at how many people will be there for support.  And don't let ANYONE judge you for the choice you make. Those people have no idea what it is like to be in your shoes. 

Q:What advice would you give to someone who has recently had an abortion?
A: If you feel the need to talk to someone, DO IT. There are a lot of support groups out there for women who have had abortions. Don't let the guilt and grief overwhelm you to the point where you can't function. Again, never let ANYONE judge you for the choices you make. They have no idea what your circumstances are and what it feels like to be in the position you are. 

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