Agency

Today's blog post is going to more spiritual.  I have my reasons for this.  Mostly because I think I need to be reminded of it.  Over the last few weeks some of my family members have been deeply affected by someone else's agency.  One of my cousins brother-in-law took his own life just before Halloween.  A week later a young man in the same ward also took his own life.  I found out yesterday another one of my cousins had a friend take their own life this last week.  As I was thinking about how tragic all of their choices were I was further reminded of my own choices... My own agency.

I will NEVER forget the look my mother gave me as I walked in the door after I told my mom I was pregnant.  My choices had a HUGE impact on her life.  I didn't realize it at the time.  In fact I didn't realize the full impact it had until this event years after placement actually happened.

Do any of us realize the full force our choices can and have made on our loved ones?  Do we stop to consider how hurtful they could be.

In May 1975 ELDER DELBERT L. STAPLEY said....
"As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have this gift of free agency to use in our mortal lives. We must be tried, tested, and proved to see if we will choose the right and do all things whatsoever the Lord our God shall command us. As spirit children of God, we have built-in powers of conscience sufficient to develop our free agency in right choices and to acquire qualities of goodness, humility, and integrity of purpose."

While agency can be a great and wonderful thing.  It can be hurtful and hard.  It can make good people do stupid and hurtful things.  It can make the best people look vile.  When agency isn't used for good it can ruin lives.

The Liahona Magazine put out an article called The Fulness of the Gospel: Agency in it it stated

"When we use our agency to choose righteousness, God not only blesses us, but our agency is strengthened and enhanced. When our Heavenly Father sees that He can trust us to make correct decisions, He does as any loving parent would do: He blesses us with new opportunities and more responsibility. Thus, if we use our agency wisely, the possibilities for doing good and blessing others become infinite. Obedience always leads to greater agency and increasing possibilities. It is sin that shrinks our options."

While the choices that led up to Ally were poor and wrong I feel like for my situation I made the best possible decision. I used my agency to do what I felt was best for Ally.  While I know Branden didn't and still doesn't agree with my decision I feel he knew in his heart it was what HAD to happen.

Agency is a wonderfully cursed thing.  I have had days were I wish we didn't have it.  Nights when Cayden wakes up screaming for me to save him I wish more than anything someone else's agency hadn't caused him the pain in the past.  But we have it... It's a great thing... We must as human beings use our agency for the betterment of man.