Monday, August 9, 2010

The Talk

You know that feeling when you get somewhere but don't at all remember the ride there.... that's the exact way I felt when I pulled in the driveway to my parents house. I don't remember what I thought the whole way home. I remember pulling in the garage and silently cursing, my mother was already home. Which meant she had time to stew and get good and angry. I didn't really want to hear how I'd messed up my life, thank you those thoughts already occurred to me, or how my mother felt I was a disappointment. I decided I'd get good and defensive and not listen to a word she was going to say. Can you tell I was a teenager?

I walked in the door to find my mother sobbing. Instantly my heart broke. How could I think I had ruined my life? My mother had just learned that her baby girl (I'm the youngest and only girl) had made a mistake so huge that now there was another life involved. How could I have thought I didn't want to hear how much of a disappointment I was? I'd completely and utterly let my mother down. Every dream she had ever had for me was just washed right out the window. I walked over to her and she instantly bear hugged me.

We both cried for a few minutes and then my mom in all her wisdom said "Ok Katelyn, we have two choices here." Once again... two choices? My mom just started talking, making no sense what so ever so I told her to stop talking and think. Her response to that was "I'm trying, it's kind of hard to do right now." Well let me tell you, I completely agreed. My mom decided we needed to get a dr. appointment so we called our good friend and family physician Mike Beus and asked who he's recommend as an OBGYN. He told my mom about a friend of his that had just gotten back from serving as a mission president and was looking to build his practice some. We made an appointment with Dr. Steven Meek for the following day. Little did I know the role Dr Meek would take on in my process.

After that my mom said, "I need to call Kevin now." My response was "Kevin who, and why?" Come to find out Kevin is my mothers fathers twin sisters son (so in reality my mom's cousin). I immediately objected stating "Thanks mom but I would rather not have this go through the family before I tell my own father!" Then she explained that Kevin had just moved back to Utah after living in Virginia for many years. He was the new Adoption Supervisor at the Centerville branch of LDS Family Services. When I learned that my first thought was, Why the H does everyone want me to give this baby away, my second was, NO WAY am I talking to my mothers cousin about this, and the third was, When and how am I going to tell Brandon-the birth father (random I know).

I told my mother I didn't care what she did but I was NOT going to give the baby away. She sat me down and said this to me....
"You have two choices in all of this Katelyn. You either choose to move out, do it all on and learn life the hard way. Or you have the choice of giving this baby to some couple out there that needs and wants a baby. Some one who isn't 18 and who is married and can handle having a kid. Take your pick. But if you pick the first one, your father and I will not be helping. You will do everything on your own. I will babysit occasionally and do the normal Nana things but I am not, let me repeat that. I am not raising another child. I raised 4 kids and I'm going to be a Nana now."

That thought had never crossed my mind, in fact when she said it I got mad. Why would she think that I couldn't do this? Why would she think that I wasn't ready or willing or able to be a mom? Why would she think that the father of the baby wouldn't help? Little did I know what the father would do.

My mom called Kevin and made an appointment for me to come in and talk with him and a case worker in a few days. Those few days would make a world of difference in the choices that I would make down the line.

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