He has to do WHAT?!

As I drove into the agency to talk with Kevin I thought of all the possible "bad" scenario's that could occur. NONE of which is what actually would occur.

I sat down in Kevin's office prepared to fight tooth and nail so that I wouldn't have to have Branden sign the papers.....

Kevin: "Katelyn, in talking with the attorney it looks like Branden is going to have to consent to adoption papers."
Me: "Why? I thought in the state of Utah unless he signed the registry and did all that hull-a-blue the birth mother had the final say."
Kevin: "Well that is true in most cases but because Branden is active duty Airforce he is protected from any legal action being taken against him without his consent and knowledge."
Me: "WHY?!"
Kevin: "There is what's called a Soldiers and Sailors Act. It is great in most cases. However in adoption cases it can really create a problem."
Me: "Is there any way around it?"
Kevin: "If there was we more than likely wouldn't be having this conversation."
Me: "How do I get him to sign them? Do I go to his commanding officer? I can do that if I need to."
Kevin: "No he has to sign the papers willing."
Me: "Well $h!t, that's not going to happen. I can promise you that."
Kevin: "If you really think so we need to start thinking about other choices that you have."

Other choices? I didn't have any other choices. This wasn't my child. I was simply carrying it for Lori and Barton. There had to be some way that I could get him to sign, but how? He had told me he would do everything to stop it and now it looked like it wasn't going very hard for him to stop it.

I felt like Branden really had messed up my entire life. I felt so defeated, abandoned, and utterly alone. I had a plan for my child, one that I knew without a doubt was what needed to happen. How is it that I could feel so strongly about adoption only to be told that it couldn't happen? Why would God put me on such a high only to break me down? It wasn't fair to me or to my child.

On the drive home I cried, harder than I believe I'd cried about anything else. Everything that I had believed would happen in the future had just been torn from me. I couldn't parent. It wasn't what was suppose to happen. I knew that if it were up to God I wouldn't parent. But it wasn't anymore. Branden had complete control over the situation, something that I HATED more than anything.

When I got home I told my mom what Kevin had said. She first said exactly what I said.... We'll call up Dave and have him talk to his commanding office (Dave is a very dear friend of ours who also happens to be very highly ranked in the Airforce) and get everything fixed. When I let her know I had already proposed that to Kevin and it wasn't an option I think she felt as angry as I was. And then it hit me... If I place complete control over this situation in the hands of the Lord he will make sure this child goes where she is suppose to. If I allow the Lord to do his work and control my life as I knew he needed to at the time I wouldn't be parenting. I WOULD be giving this child to her parents.