After I emailed Branden and let him know that I wasn't sure what I wanted I called and made an appointment with Talaisha for the following day. I wanted to know what I should do next if I was going to choose adoption for my child. When I met with Talaisha she told me that I needed to come up with a list of things that I would want in an adoptive couple. It could range from very personal things to strictly physical things. I left the agency with the determination that I was going to imagine up the most PERFECT people in the world. That way when I didn't find their profile I would still parent. Here is the list that I came up with:
The father: needed to be taller than 5'11" but couldn't be shorter than 6'4", needed to have brown hair brownish-green eyes(that is the color Branden had), needed to have served a mission, needed to have at least a 4 year degree, needed to weigh between 150-200 pounds (that's right I even went to weight), needed to hold a calling in the church, needed to be from utah, needed to like doing things outdoors, needed to like horses, needed to have at least one brother of his own.
The mother: needed to be taller than 5'4" but shorter than 5'8", needed to have blonde hair, needed to have blue eyes, needed to be fair to olive complextion, needed to weigh between 140-160 pounds, needed to have served a mission, needed to have at least a 4 year degree, needed to be willing to be a stay at home mom, needed to be from utah, needed to like doing things outdoors, needed to like horses, needed to like scrapbooking, needed to know how to sew, needed to have at least one sister of her own.
I also didn't want them to have any other children. I wanted this to be their first, I wanted this to be special for them.
Can you see how I some what set myself up for failure. I gave a list similar to this to my case worker and let her know if she found anyone that matched this to put them in a list for me to look at, that was Monday.
Thursday I met with her, she had a 3 ring folder full of profiles, I looked through a few and immediatly gave them back, weren't right for me AT ALL! The thrid profile in the binder was a cute couple, only problem was that she wasn't willing to be a stay at home mom.
I turned the page and my heart stopped...
"I recognize these people. Where have I seen them from? How do I know them?" My heart started beating faster and faster. Did someone I personally know need a baby? Did they know that I was pregnant. I couldn't shake the feeling that I knew this cute little family. I had a birth mother support group following my appointment with my case worker, and the entier 2 hours I couldn't get them out of my mind. Was this what it felt like to find a family your child? I didn't think I'd ever find someone so perfect.
I took their profile home and showed them to my mom. She said the exact same thing, "I recognize them from somewhere." Maybe this wasn't the family for my child but someone that we had known from somewhere.
My mom said it would be a good idea to really pray about it and see if they were the family that needed my baby. I did just that in the days to come and would have my answer from God in a way I didn't think I'd ever receive an ansewr.