I made many phone calls that Saturday to family and close friends letting them know that I thought I had found the family that I would place the baby with. I asked them all if they would please pray and fast on Sunday (the next day) for me to receive the correct answer to my prayer about my baby. All day on Sunday I clearly felt the love of all my family and friends as I carefully considered the option of Adoption for my child.
I very clearly remember kneeling down in my closet, in front of my full length mirror so I could see my physical reaction to the answers I would receive, and praying to Heavenly Father. I asked him, "Father is this the family for my baby?" and clear as day I heard over my right shoulder a voice that was so familiar I thought at first it was my own earthly Father. "Yes Katelyn. They need your baby girl." I quickly turned to see what was behind me and, of course, nothing.
I knew two things for sure that I have NEVER doubted. I was going to have a girl, I didn't need modern medicine to tell me I was. And the child that I was carrying was meant to come to this earth and be placed in the loving arms of Lori and Barton.
I called my case worker that night and told her that Lori and Barton were the family. She told me she'd place a soft hold on them and we'd talk at our next appointment on Thursday. I told her "This is them. I want to tell them this week that they'll be getting a baby. But them on firm hold." There was no stopping me. My decision was made, although the decision wasn't really mine it was gods. I knew I was acting as his servant to get this infant to her earthly home. My case worker said that if I was completely sure of my choice we would put a firm hold on them. I told her I wouldn't ever change my mind.
I let my parents know that I knew Lori and Barton were the family and of course, they already had the feeling that they were.
In the upcoming days getting a basket of stuff together to let them know I was placing with them would be one of the most gratifying and most heart breaking things. I would be admitting that although I'd always wanted to be a mother, this child I would carry would not be mine. I will never forget walking into the store and buying Ally's first blanket and wondering why the Lord thought I was strong enough to let a child go. Why the Lord thought I was right to bring this child into the world. And then when I would finally meet Lori and Barton, all of my fears and doubts would vanish.