Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Call from Iraq

So a bit of background about Ally's birth father, Brandon. He's in the Airforce, we met on myspace (yes I know, STUPID!) and dated for a few months before he was deployed to Iraq. He called me multiple times a day for the first week or so when he was still in transit but once he got into Iraq he let me know he'd only be able to call me once a week. He was able to check his email more often though. I emailed him as soon as I found out I was pregnant and let him know that I had something important that I needed to tell him. I was very worried about what his reaction would be. Because of the time difference he called me around 2 am. I was scared to death to tell him. I didn't know what his reaction would be. I didn't know what he would say about it and I didn't know where he stood on some very important concepts. Because we didn't share the same faith I had no idea how he felt about adoption and about abortion. I quickly found out his stand on both of those things.

The conversation went as follows
Branden: "Hey, you said you had something important to tell me, what's up?"
Me: "Ya I do, I want to make sure first of all that you're alone and that you're sitting down"
Branden: "Well I can't really be alone, this place is like a call center type thing but yes I'm sitting down. Will you just tell me what's going on."
Me: "Ok, I guess you don't have a choice of being alone. I need you to know that I'm pregnant."
Branden: "You're what?"
Me: "I'm pregnant, with child, having your kid!"
Branden: "How do you know it's my kid?"
Me: "Cuz you're the only one I've had sex with"
Branden: "How do I know that?"
Me: "I'm not going to argue about whether or not this is your child while you're on the opposite side of the world."
Branden: "Well then what are you going to do about it?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Branden: "You need to go have an abortion."
Me: "I will NEVER do that!"
Branden: "Well you can't keep it, you'll ruin it."
Me: "Well thank you very much."
Branden: "Well I don't want a kid right now."

Never before in my life have I been so hurt, betrayed, alone, and terrified. I was going to have to do this all on my own. I knew then that I did need to go to the Agency and make sure I had all my facts straight. Branden had made going to the agency a little bit easier. But walking through those doors was one of the hardest things I would do up to that point in my life.
This wasn't the last I'd hear from Branden or the lat time his words would hurt me. Just wait for what he does!

1 comment:

Jamie said...

OMG! Are we twins? I know the EXACT feeling! I'm sorry anyone else had to experience that, especially YOU... and I know we're FAR from the only ones, too. Soooo unfair! Love you!