Friday, August 20, 2010

Fighting words

It's taking me quiet the courage to write this posting today, I don't know why but man has it been hard.

Two days after my first doctor appointment with Lori I got a phone call, that of course I had been dreading. It was Branden. I hadn't emailed him back or answered his calls since the whole I'm going to be a supportive boyfriend thing. I wanted to not answer it but for what ever reason I picked up the phone and said "What do you want?" Rude I know but I just didn't feel like dealing with the drama at that point. He told me he didn't know why I wasn't answering his emails (He sent about one a day that I usually moved into a folder without reading them. I didn't want anything he said to make me question my decision.) but that he was very concerned for me. I laughed to myself thinking, I really doubt you're at all concerned for me. I think my reaction was negative towards him because I sensed I knew what his reaction would be when I informed him that I had chose to place the baby for adoption.

I decided to stop wasting his time, and my sleep and let him know about my decision. The conversation wasn't exactly what I had expected:

Me: "I just thought I should let you know that I've chosen to place the baby for adoption. I decided on a couple and met with them last week. The mom went to my last doctor's appointment with me."
Branden: "I'm not going to allow you to give my child away."
Me: "Pretty sure this is my choice, since I'M PREGNANT"
Branden: "I'll do everything in my power to keep my child."
--side note... right there, those few words were my biggest fear in all of this. I didn't want this to be hard on Lori and Barton. I didn't want them to have to fight for their child after I'd placed with them. And I didn't want to be forced to parent either--
Me: "You can say all you want but I know what is best for my child and that is NEVER seeing you!"
Branden: "Well if you think that is what's best then you are crazier than I thought."
Me: "I guess I am. There isn't anything you can do or say to make me change my mind so don't even try."
Branden: "I won't let you do this!"
Me: BARF!!!! "STAY OUT OF MY LIFE! I'm going to place this baby for adoption and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it."
Branden: "Katelyn I have rights, I will make sure MY baby isn't given to strangers."

As soon as I hung up I started bawling! I didn't need to deal with this right now. I already had enough on my mind. I really didn't want him any where near my child, EVER!

I called my mom and let her know what Branden had said. She told me that I needed to first call the doctor and then call Kevin. I called and made another appointment with the doctor for the following day. Then I called Kevin and told him what Branden had said about fighting the adoption. The next thing Kevin said stopped me dead in my tracks.

Kevin: "Katelyn we need to talk in person but you need to know that I talked to our attorney and it looks like Branden is going to have to agree to the adoption."
Me: "Why?"
Kevin: "We really need to talk in person."
Me: "I'll be there in 20 minutes. I'm not waiting to hear this."
Kevin: "Ok, I'll see you then."

The entire drive to the agency I was angry. Angry that Branden had lied to me. Angry that I was pregnant. Angry that my plan wasn't playing out how I'd like it to (much of my plan about the adoption didn't go as planned actually). But mostly angry that there was even a possibility that someone could take this child away from Lori and Barton. I had already told them, promised them a child. It would be heart breaking and devastating if I couldn't give them this baby. I prayed to Heavenly Father that I'd be able to have the strength to endure whatever challenges may be ahead. I just didn't know at that time how big those challenges would be.

1 comment:

Christy said...

I have never known your story. I'm next post please!